World in progress
by Demetrion
Summary: Why did God-Brothers left the World of Remnant? Where did the creatures of Grimm come from and what is their purpose? What does connect Salem and Ozpin? This story answers those questions... Well, at least tries to. A satiric one-shot dedicated to Gods/Relics plotline of RWBY.


_**Disclaimer#1: This is a parody for the most part, so taking it with a garin of salt is advisable.**_

 _ **Disclaimer#2: I don't own Gods or RWBY. Just in case you were wondering.**_

 _ **Beta: Jiu-Jitsu Dude**_

* * *

 _ **World in Progress**_

 _"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."_ – Albert Einstein

" _In the_ _beginning_ _there was nothing, which exploded."_ – Terry Pratchett

* * *

"You cheating jackass!" The Elder shouted in frustration watching as a carefully crafted civilization was crumbling before his eyes.

"Come on, bro, that was uncalled for." The Younger answered with a soft reproach in his voice and a shit-eating grin on his face.

"Uncalled for? _Uncalled_ _for?!_ You've cheated, you asshole!" The Elder's visible form lost its integrity for a few moments, so strong was his frustration. "That trick with the revolting AI was a cliché even before _we_ were created! Not to mention it was an utterly cheese move!"

The Younger let out a hypocritical sigh.

"I feel for you, bro, I truly do, but rules are rules. And cheesing your way to victory isn't the same as cheating, wouldn't you agree?"

The Elder huffed in frustration and rearranged the energy flows to calm himself down.

"Whatever. Log the result and let's start again."

The Younger hummed in agreement. Then he glanced at the debris field surrounding the planet and let out an exasperated sigh. "You know, I'm honestly impressed by the fact that they were able to destroy their moon. It's quite an accomplishment. Pointless, yes, but still impressive." Short burst of energy forced debris to condense back into the shape of a moon. "All done, brother."

"I'm done cleaning up too." The Elder answered. "Is it just me, or the moon was a bit bigger before?" He looked at the satellite incredulously.

"Eh, probably. I might've overlooked a few bits." The Younger shrugged. "Are you ready?"

"Yes, let's start this. Oh, and since you were so impressed by mortals and all, you can deal with them this time around." There was still some venom in The Elder's voice left after his defeat.

"Fair enough, dear brother of mine." The Younger answered with a cheeky grin. "Just don't complain when I'll win again."

Now it was The Elder who grinned.

"Oh, we will see about that."

The Brothers gave the world before them a final once over and exchanged nods. A new round had begun.

* * *

"I can't take it anymore!" The Younger howled in rage. His visible form was radiating amounts of heat far greater than that of an average star during the hottest month of the year. "This is unimaginable! Just how stupid can these mortals could be?!"

Both brothers watched as the once great civilization came crashing down in the flames of total war. And since it wasn't a war for territory or dominance, but the holy war of ideas, there were no ceasefires, no prisoners and no surrender. Both sides fought to the very last and unleashed annihilation on their world in order to prove that theirs way was right.

"I can't believe they have destroyed themselves just because they couldn't agree upon whether they should use those things or not!" The Younger kept ranting. "And you know what pisses me off the most? The fact that they don't even understand the true purpose of these things, because they were too busy fighting over them!"

The things The Younger was referring to were four devices of immense power. They were discovered by mankind when it was at the apex of its civilization… and they became its downfall. While the true purpose of those objects was unclear, what little was known about them suggested that those devices were capable of making changes on a global scale. And that's what made society split: some people believed those things were dangerous and should be destroyed as a precaution, while others insisted on using them to "make the world a better place". Before long, the debates became armed conflicts and the whole world was aflame. Now that drama had come to an end.

"Well, you know what they say: there is only one infinite thing in the Universe and it is the stupidity of mortals. Well played, brother." The Elder's words of consolation were like salt for The Younger's wounded pride.

"Yeah, yeah, rub it in." He grumbled dejectedly. "You barely had have to do anything to win this time."

"Come on, brother, don't be like that. You've done your best and given the circumstances, I'm sure I couldn't have done better in your place. Tell you what: I'll log the results and then we can have a rematch. How does that sound?"

The Younger snorted.

"Not as exciting as it sounded the first ten times, but I suppose it'll do."

He looked over desolated world and shook his head in disgust.

"What a waste."

Then the debris field around the planet caught his sight and he let out a frustrated groan.

"Damn it, they blew up their moon. _Again_." He sighed. "You know, this is the part I hate the most: cleaning up the mess. It's just frustrating." He sighed again before fixing the moon, exerting just the barest minimum of energy. The resulted satellite was even smaller this time.

"No argument here, brother." The Elder answered with a chuckle. "Let's finish this up quickly. No point in dragging it out."

"Yeah, you're right." However, at that moment The Younger spotted movement on one of the few relatively intact parts of the landmass and the idea hit him. "Hey, what if we won't bother with recreating the world this time around? Let's just wait and see what survivors will be able to build from the remnants of their predecessor civilization? This could be interesting."

"There are survivors?" The Elder asked in disbelief.

"Yep, see for yourself."

The Elder looked closely.

"Well, I'll be goddamned! … metaphorically speaking." He added after a pause. "So, they indeed managed to survive somehow."

"Seems that way. Oh, look! They've started to build something already! So… I suppose it wouldn't be very nice to just 'nope' them at this point, right?"

The Elder gave his brother a pointed look.

"You always find creative new creative ways to justify your laziness, don't you?" The Elder looked over the world once more. "Alright, this time we'll do it your way. To be honest, I'm not too keen on the idea of recreating the world once again myself, so I might as well humor you."

"Great! Also, while we're on it, how about we try out this new concept the guys were talking about? This 'free will' thing? We can log it as a control observation, so we won't have to do _anything_."

"You mean we won't interfere at all?" The Elder pondered this idea for some time before emanating his agreement. "Very well. Admittedly, it would be nice to be just spectators for a change."

"Cool! Thanks, bro!"

"You really are lazy, aren't you?" It was more of a statement rather than a question.

"I'm not lazy, I'm just very efficient at conserving energy! We don't have it in limitless supply, you know!" The Younger defended, gesturing wildly with his hands.

"Whatever you say, brother." The Elder chuckled at his brother's antics. "Alright, fix the moon and let's begin."

"But I've already fixed it!" The Younger retorted, gesturing at the small satellite.

"Yeah? Then it looks like you were indeed very effective at conserving energy. The thing looks like it just barely holds together and can start falling apart any moment now." The Elder stated in a deadpan tone.

"I've spent enough energy! It'll hold." The Younger assured his brother. Right on cue the moon started to fall apart, with pieces slowly drifting away, just barely held together by gravitation.

"You were saying?" The Elder's voice dribbled with irony.

"Eh, who cares? They would've destroyed the damned thing sooner or later anyway." The Younger dismissed with a shrug.

The Elder just shook his head in amusement.

"Well, everything is set then. So… now we just sit back and watch the show?"

"Exactly! Oh, this is going to be so good!" The Younger's visible form shimmered in pleasure.

* * *

For some time, the brothers watched as a handful of mortals scattered on the ruins of the once great civilization tried to survive, gradually descending to barbarism. Then a violent scene grabbed their attention: a big wolf-like creature was attacking a man, who tried to protect himself with some kind of spear. The creature managed to close its jaws on man's left forearm, but for some reason it didn't much damage, and he was able to pierce the creature's ribcage with his spear. They both fell onto the ground, but soon the creature's carcass started to evaporate in a mist of miniscule black particles.

"Okay, now that was something new." Said The Younger in surprise. "Oh, and there are more! But these look more like snakes! Cool! Do you know where these things came from?"

"Give me a moment… Got it!" The Elder pointed at ponds of some black substance. "Apparently, this… black goo somehow produces these creatures. It takes a specimen of local fauna as a template, then improves its combat capabilities to the limit. The resulting creature – mortals call this type of creatures 'Grimm' by the way – is strong, resilient, aggressive and utterly mindless."

"Sounds like a perfect soldier! And the name has a nice ring to it. I like it!" The Younger exclaimed in child-like wonder.

The Elder sighed, half amused and half annoyed by his brother's childish behavior. Then he smirked.

"Well, it's a good thing that you like these creatures then, because mortals believe that you were the one who created them."

The Younger stared at him.

"What?! I never created stuff like that! I just said that I 'kinda' liked this creature because it looked cool, that's all!" The Younger huffed in frustration. "How did it come that every time shit happens, mortals always blame it on me and not you?!"

"Maybe it has something to do with your 'dark' personality?" The Elder ignored his brother's glare. "Anyway, I think understand what's going on." He pointed at the black ponds again. "Brother, look at where these ponds are."

For a moment, The Younger stared blankly at the place where most of black ponds was concentrated, then realization hit him and he gasped.

"Whoops…"

"Whoops indeed, brother. For the record, we probably should've removed those dumping sites. We should've known that the stuff there wouldn't decay properly."

"For the record, I think you're right." The Younger shook his head. "You know, sometimes I think we should add couple of new rules to the usual set that we give to mortals every time. Something along the lines of 'Do not dump toxic wastes in your backyard, instead dispose of them properly.' or 'Don't try to play god and tinker with genetics 'cause in the end it will bite you in the ass. Literally.' Maybe it'll help prevent such stuff from happening?"

The Elder chuckled.

"I like the idea, but I really doubt it would work. It's in their nature, to disobey the rules and violate taboos."

* * *

"Brother, take a look at this." The Elder pointed at the town that was growing faster and was defending against those strange creatures more effectively than the other towns. "It seems like the people of this town were able to find and reverse-engineer several pieces of tech in the ruins and are using it to fend off attacking Grimm."

"Alright, color me impressed. That was actually a very smart thing to do. If they keep this up, I might even regain my faith in mankind." The Younger watched the town's rapid growth with rapt interest.

As if on cue, the people of this town decided to expand their farmlands at the expense of their less prosperous neighbors. At first, citizens of the more advanced town were winning, but when battle was almost over, the creatures of Grimm showed up in numbers and ate what was left of both armies. Then they erased both now defenseless towns from them map, leaving only ruins in their wake. That's how the first war of the World of Remnant had started… and how it was ended.

"I take it back. Mortals are incorrigibly and irredeemably stupid."

"Tell me about it." The Elder answered with a chuckle.

* * *

A strange person caught The Younger's attention. This person looked like a regular woman, but there was something unusual in how she moved. She was making series of dashes and extremely well-coordinated jumps as she was moving through the night forest and darkness didn't seem to bother her in the slightest. When she leaped especially high eluding the attack of Grimm that pursued her, the hood that was covering her head fell down on her shoulders and revealed second set of ears – _cat ears!_ – on top of her head.

"Brother, look! The real living cat-girl! Now that's a mutation I can get behind."

The Elder chuckled looking at his excited brother who was grinning from ear to ear.

"And it seems that there is whole population of such people with animalistic traits and… distinctive features."

"What?! The whole population? You mean there are _bunny-girls_ too?!" Despite his "darkness", The Younger was positively beaming.

"Yes, brother, there are." The Elder watched his brother with an amused smile.

"Hm, a population of mortals who are part human and part animal." The Younger's expression became thoughtful. Then his face lit up. "I wonder how do they… _repopulate_?" He was grinning again, but this time there was something different in his smile.

The Elder felt his own smile disappearing.

"Let's… not go there, brother. I'm sure there is nothing special about it."

"And the other important question: how about cross-breeding with regular humans?" The Younger's eyes had definitely had a greasy shine now.

"There is nothing important about that question!"

"You're such a killjoy, bro." The Younger answered with a pout.

"Well, someone has to keep you and your… _imagination_ in check." The Elder stated firmly.

"Whatever you say, buzzkill."

* * *

"Okay, now this – _this!_ – is bullshit!" Exclaimed the Younger pointing at the tall woman who had just wiped out a good hundred of Grimm with a single flash of light emanating from her silver-colored eyes. "This is complete and utter bullshit! The human body can't possibly produce such vast amounts of energy! This isn't physically possible!"

"Well, apparently it is possible. Some kind of rare mutation, I suppose." The Elder responded in an even tone. "However, it seems that some of them found a way to tap into the energy of their very soul. That might explain it."

"They did? Interesting." The Younger appeared to think about something for a moment. "Well, I guess necessity is the mother of invention. They had to compensate for their lack of technology with something. Still, I wonder if they fully understand the implications of it? One's soul was always sacred object for a reason. Meddling with it isn't advisable." He paused. "Great, now I sound just like you!"

"They grow up so fast." The Elder mocked, wiping away imaginary tear.

"Har-har." The Younger articulated. Then he pouted. "That silver-eyes thing was still a bullshit."

"You really do like those creatures, don't you?" The Elder teased.

"Well, yes. I like their monochrome with dash of red color scheme, looks very stylish." The Younger haven't taken the bait. "Also, I like the fact that they are technically peacekeepers."

The Elder snorted and shook his head. His brother always amazed him with his unorthodox thinking.

"Peacekeepers? That's one way of putting it. You don't suppose that Grimm are a bit too… effective at keeping peace? Then again, no mortals – no problems, so the logics checks out."

"Eh, maybe they are going overboard, but that's not the point." The Younger made a dismissive gesture. "The Grimm seem to ignore peaceful regions while being attracted to mortals' conflicts and their misery. So, all mortals have to do in order to keep those creatures away is just live happily and peacefully. But no-o!" His voice was now thick with sarcasm. "They would rather waste their already short lives on petty squabbles, pointless intrigues and attempts to one up each other! And then they wonder why the hell did Grimm showed up. I just don't get it."

The Elder shrugged.

"Well, maybe a peaceful and happy life is too boring for them? That or they are just being stupid as always. Definitely one of those."

* * *

For mortals years kept stacking in centuries as brothers continued to watch the story unfolding before them. The discovery of the Dust made the Younger laugh at the fate of the poor miner who had smashed wrong crystal with his pick, but both brothers were very impressed by the subsequent scientific and technological revolution. Mankind started to advance in leaps and bounds, claiming more and more of the world for themselves. Then one day mysterious object was found under the ruins of ancient shrine.

"Oh, great, they've found _those_ things." The Younger said in flat tone. "Now all this crap will start all over again." His latest defeat was still fresh in his memories.

"Mortals indeed have a tendency to repeat their mistakes." The Elder nodded in agreement.

"Well, maybe this time around they will learn their lesson and will do the smart thing." The Young's tone wasn't very hopeful, however.

"You mean they should try to discover the true purpose of these devices?"

"No. I mean they should dump those Dragonballs into the ocean and never speak of them again." The Younger stated firmly.

The Elder chuckled.

"That would have been the best solution to the problem, but knowing mortals I'd say they will give these objects a pretentious name, make up a colorful backstory and will end up worshiping these things – or fighting over them. Probably both." The Elder finished in a bored tone.

* * *

"You know, things are getting more and more boring, brother. It was fun at first, but now it is the same old story repeating itself over and over again." The Younger said as his gaze swept over the world in search of something interesting.

The Elder wasn't even paying attention to the world before him. He was playing with the energy currents, creating various patterns and images out of them for his own amusement. He released the energy and looked at the world.

"You are right. Even when they are given complete freedom to do as they please, mortals still seemingly cling to their favorite tried and true patterns."

With increasing boredom the brothers watched the spikes and declines of civilization alternating. At the apex of its growth, civilization managed to conquer almost entire World of Remnant, the creatures of Grimm were being pushed back steadily, but as the common enemy was becoming less and less of a threat, mankind found a new enemy within itself and the era internal strives and feuds had begun. Before long, the people of Remnant started to lose border settlements under the pressure of Grimm who had regained their momentum, but no one in the entire world seemed to care.

"So, when mortals are not busy fighting against Grimm, they fight each other. How very unsurprising." The Elder looked away and started to play with the energy flows again.

"Yeah. But at least they are creative when it comes to making up reasons for another war, I'll give them that." The Younger said with heavy sarcasm.

Mankind lost almost half of its total territory before people realized that something very wrong was going on and tried to stop the advance of the Grimm.

"Alright, finally something interesting! Looks like there is going to be decisive battle." The Younger looked at the continent where two major forces were about to collide. The one was united army of both humans and Faunus people lead by a very powerful man, while the other…

"Argh! My awareness hurts just from looking at her… him… _it_?" The Younger exclaimed pointing at the leader of the second army, the army composed entirely from creatures of Grimm. "No, the form is vaguely female so it should be a 'she', but still this… _person_ looks ugly!"

"Yes, this creature does indeed look rather grotesque." The Elder nodded. "But it makes sense: in the insect world queens are usually a lot bigger and less… aesthetically pleasing to look at than average specimens and here we may have the similar situation."

"Ugh, you could've just said that as their boss, she is the biggest and the ugliest of them. No need for a lecture!" The Younger huffed in impatience.

"Yes, I suppose I could." The Elder responded calmly.

In a meantime, both armies clashed in a battle of epic proportions. Both sides mowed and chewed (respectively) each other down for a long time, until the battle came to its final act, the duel of the two leaders. The man leading the army of mankind and the Queen of Grimm fought to a standstill, and the battle effectively ended in a draw. Both armies were essentially wiped out, with only a handful of survivors on both sides left standing.

"And it gets boring again…" The Younger whined. Then an idea hit him and he exclaimed: "I know! What is better to spice thing up than a bit of good ol' romance?"

"I'm not sure I follow you, brother."

"Watch and learn! It will be a perfect operation, a singular intervention in fates of the world that will make everything better!" The Younger gathered his power and started to focus it on the space between the two leaders.

"I still don't follow you, but then again I don't really care at this point, so go ahead."

"Just sit back and enjoy the show, bro!" The Younger said with a confident smirk.

With thunderous "snap" ground between the two leaders cracked and a chasm formed. It was growing deeper and wider by the second, and very soon a canyon separated surviving people and Grimm.

The Younger cleared his throat and bellowed:

 _ **"Heed me, mortals, for I am your God!"**_

Those people who had managed to get back at their feet felt down to their knees, while Grimm cowered in fear on the ground. Only the two leaders remained standing, but it was obviously taking its toll on them to withstand such power.

" _ **I am ending this sorry excuse for a battle! You both let your minions to fight and die for you, but you do not seem too willing to fight yourselves. Your lack of conviction disappoints me! It seems that you may need some… incentive."**_

These words invoked mixed reaction from mortals, but The Younger wasn't paying any attention to them because he was too caught up in his speech. The Elder raised brow at his brother.

" _ **I decree that from now on you will fight until the end of times or until one of you will suffer an ultimate defeat!**_

After a brief pause he added:

" _ **And you will not dare to disappoint me again!"**_

"Um, brother…" The Elder started unsurely, but was cut off by The Younger.

"Shh! I want to see their reactions!"

"YES! Yes, my lord! I won't fail you again! Soon the head of this puny human will be a sacrifice at your altar and the world will burn in your name! BURN!" The Queen of Grimm roared in ferocious triumph, while the man stood petrified for a few moments, then fell down to his knees and had hid his face in hands.

"A-a-and done!" The Younger's voice trembled a bit as he tried not to show how much disturbed he was by the Queen's reaction.

"You've done what, exactly?" The Elder asked with blank expression on his face.

"I've started an epic romantic story, of course! It will make things a lot more interesting and enjoyable." The Younger answered in a tone that was usually reserved for stating the obvious to the people who are not able to see said obvious.

The Elder looked at the two who were now supposed to fall in love with each other… and failed to see how it was possible.

"I'm afraid you're going to have to explain it for me, brother." He said cautiously, not willing to provoke his brother, whose temper tended to be rather volatile when it came to his hobbies.

"Well, obviously a good romance starts from a good premise." The Younger adopted classic pose of an orator giving speech to the audience. "Here we have the best possible premise: two lovers are divided by a conflict of global scale. They hate each other at first because they are on different sides of the frontline, but in time their hatred transforms into a tentative love-hate relationship." He wasn't an orator giving speech now, he was a mentor lecturing his faithful and attentive students. "Then our lovers will understand that they have a lot more in common between themselves rather than with outside world. Slowly they will come to realization that they are two souls destined to be together because they are essentially immortal as long as they both are alive. Yes, I left this loophole specifically for that purpose, but only a very smart and perceptive person might have caught it." He smiled slyly. "Their fates are now intertwined with each other's, and in due time they will reach the ultimate climax of their relationship: our dear lovebirds will put aside their arms and shed their armor, because they will choose peaceful and happy life over this eternal war." The Younger's voice kept rising as he spoke. "This will be a magnificent, epic story about love that triumphs over time, distance, war, hatred and even Gods themselves… brought to you by yours truly." The Younger finished his speech with courteous bow.

The Elder was silent for a long time before responding.

"That's… not how romance works. Not at all. Also, it was the cheesiest, the corniest and _the worst_ love story I ever heard and I've been around for a while."

The Younger flailed his hands in fury.

"Yeah? Haven't you heard that criticism should be constructive?" He asked with venom dribbling from his voice. "And what do you know about romance anyway?"

"Well, apparently more than you do, brother, but that's not the point." The Elder gestured at the Queen who was gathering her armies for a new push. "Looks like these two are not very perceptive, nor are they very smart, so they haven't noticed that 'loophole' you left for them and instead took your words at the face value."

"No…" The Younger's tone was one of utter defeat.

His amazing and magnificent love story was crushed down before it was able to even begun. The Queen of Grimm was true to her word and tried her best to burn the whole world in flames of war, gradually evolving from a frontline leader into a strategic mastermind. He shook his head in disbelief, not willing to accept it. Then he decided to look what the man was doing and his visible form lost all of its color, so big was his disappointment.

The man just sat around in his secluded cottage in the middle of nowhere. The once powerful leader who led charge against hordes of Grimm was now a broken shell of himself. He had indeed chosen a peaceful life. The peaceful life of a hermit!

"I'm afraid it's not going to work, brother." The Elder said as gently as possible. "Grimm are gaining more and more ground and he's... well, I doubt he'll ever leave his house again."

"Stop making holes in my ship…" The Younger whispered dejectedly.

The world was ending before brothers' eyes once again. Grimm have pushed people almost against the walls of their cities. There was no hope for the mankind.

"You know, brother, I think we've earned ourselves a little respite. That might cheer you up." The Elder put his hand on his brother's shoulder.

The Younger chuckled bitterly.

"I can't believe it. Is it true that my wise elder brother himself is offering to have a vacation?" He shook his head in a mock disbelief.

"As a matter of fact, I am. It seems that there isn't much to be done here anyway."

The Younger looked over the world for the last time. The light of Humanity (and Faunuskind along with it) was dwindling. The man he had placed his hopes upon was still slowly declining in his cottage, while the Queen sent horde after the horde against last bastions on her way.

"You're right, brother, we've earned some rest. I'm done with this place. Let's go."

And that's how God-Brothers had left the World of Remnant. Will they ever come back? No one can really tell. That's how this story ends.

However, time hadn't stopped after brothers' leave. Years passed one after another until one day four beautiful young women one by one entered neglected garden surrounding squalid cottage in a middle of nowhere. After some persuasion, those women managed to make the old hermit that was living there to leave his house for the first time in a long time.

That's how the new story has begun. Or was it just a new chapter of the same old story? No one can really tell.

 _ **Fin.**_

* * *

And there we have it.

I believe the story of the God-Brothers, Relics and creation of mankind (BTW, they've skipped origins of Faunus in that story because reasons or it was another "whoops, we did it again" moment?) told by Qrow is very bland and generic, so I made up my own version. Was it better than the original? Maybe, maybe not. Was it more entertaining? I sure hope it was.

Now, as I've stated earlier, I did drew inspiration from various sources, but there were two main ones. First and foremost, it was "The Games of Blood and Dust", amazing story about two supernatural powers playing with human civilization written by Roger Zelazny. The other one was "Discworld" cycles written by Terry Pratchett. I really like the way how he plays themes of gods and cults in his books.

The title of the story is a little homage to the writers' community "Work in Progress". I was thinking about good title for this story when I received an invitation there and then analogy popped in my mind. I'm sure it fits the story perfectly.

"Repopulating" Faunus is my little bow to Imyoshy's story "Blue", formerly a one-shot known as "Cobalt". Yang nailed that line.

There are also several references in this story. Some are obvious, some are less so and a few ones are very subtle. If you were able to catch them all, then you have my sincerest congratulations, you eagle-eyed person!

And lastly, the thing that I wasn't able to understand. In his story back in V4Ch8, Qrow said that God-Brothers left Remnant after creating humans. But in V5 Ozpin states that he was cursed by the Gods because he failed to stop Salem. Does it mean that he and Salem were around from the very beginning then? So what, he is like Adam and Salem is Eve (or Lilith)? Or it was just a plothole no one had bothered to fix?

Well, that's about it. Thanks for reading and stay tuned for new stories! If you are interested, that is.


End file.
